so this is it so far. what a pain. but i feel as though i should post about it anyway, seeing as i couldn’t figure out any other way to put my powerpoint slides on the page, except by linking it to this page.
*my slides:
it costs nothing but change November 14, 2007
the past few days have been very difficult for me. i feel like i’ve bottomed out on how badly i can screw up my schoolwork and my obligations. the past few days i really could not manage to care about anything. i have been completely distant from everyone and everything, and hiding in my room with my music on non-stop.
but the beautiful thing is that i think i’ve come through to the other side of it all. and i’m better off having been through it.
(c) 2006 lostpixels on deviantart
i know that i have made a lot of mistakes recently, and i think i have finally realized that i have to stop thinking about those things and letting them hold me back. so tonight i am getting some things done. it won’t be everything i need to get done by any means, but it’s something. i’m not shooting low on purpose, just focusing on accomplishing something and focusing on those good things, rather than what i still haven’t done.
i’ve listened to sia’s colour the small one twice today, and a couple of the songs really speak to what i have been feeling. i love her music. her voice is so fragile but strong at the same time. her lyrics are the same way. it’s really empowering and introspective. right now “the church of what’s happening now” and “numb” really seem to be the perfect songs for this period:
“i want to change, to rearrange
what is going on i need to change, i need to play
like a five year old
i can’t detach from the past and all of the pain
i need to learn, start from scratch begin again
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day
so i’m going to eat one hundred sweets
i don’t care if i get fat
and i’m going to speak, i won’t censor me
i know i can take nothing back
and i’m going to jump i will unburden
i cannot go too deep
i will not run from bad things i’ve done
they’re things i’ll try not to repeat
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day
welcome to
the church of what’s happening now
head straight through
it costs nothing but change
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day
throw away yesterday
today is a brand new day” -”the church of what’s happening now”
i saw you cry today
the pain may fill you
i saw you shy away
the pain will not kill you
you made me smile today
you spoke with many voices
we travelled miles today
shared expressions voiceless
it has to end
living in your head
without anything to numb you
living on the edge
without anything to numb you
it has to end to begin
began an end today
gave and got given
you made a friend today
kindred soul cracked spirit
it has to end to begin
living in your head
without anything to numb you
living on the edge
without anything to numb you
it had to end to begin
living in your head
without anything to numb you
living on the edge
without anything to numb you
it has begun -”numb”
procrastination November 7, 2007
it’s definitely 3:30am and i have gotten no work done tonight. i can’t seem to make myself do ANYTHING lately. that’s not good. tonight for example i really need to do a paper for humanities that is ungodly late; accounting homework; and a short write up for my business law class (well that one is due at sme point by email today). i think i can make myself do the accounting after this, but the paper is feeling like “what’s the point” and is someting i feel obligated to do really well on, seeing that it’s so late. i’d be much more comfortable with doing it half-assed and just getting it done, but i know that it needs to be good, and that i’m completely ridiculous for putting it off this long.
i did get t o talk to my dad tonight, though, and that was nice. it’s been awhile since i’ve talked to my family. we’re not a talk-on-the-phone family, so it’s not that weird, but still it had been a long time. they’re doing well, which is good.
work was ok. the people at this store are so nice. i’m such a fuckup. i was late again, and finally they said something to me, but it was in the nicest possible way they could. so i feel like i should actually try to change my ways.
i’m really bored with my life right now. school is the same every week. work is ok, but boring. there are very few standout things at the moment. there are good things. i don’t mean to say there aren’t. but there are no surprises. and it’s incredibly dull for me.
i registered for next semester. it seems like it will be better than this one. i hope so. that would be amazing. i don’t remember everything i’m taking offhand, but it should be ok.
in my neverending cycle of distraction, i “bought” the new saul williams cd: “the inevitable rise and liberation of niggy tardust.” it’s on his website: http://niggytardust.com/ and you can download it there either for free or for a $5 donation that goes straight to him. it’s kinda cool. the cd is surprising. trent reznor collaborated with him for it. saul williams is amazing as always, though. and it provided an interesting shift from the regular ways of avoiding work.
maybe i can go get something done. even if it’s not all of what i need to finish, it’ll be better than nothing.
(c)2005 lostpixels on deviantart
